SILVER SPRING, Md. — Chaos erupted at the General Conference building as the unexpected presence of a drum set in the GC auditorium led to a lockdown, trapping hundreds of church executives and employees inside.
Security measures escalated swiftly, sealing off all entry and exit points to the building. A substantial perimeter was established around the drum set, and access to the GC auditorium was severely restricted.
While GC security officials claim ignorance regarding the origins of the drum set, various theories have emerged to explain its mysterious appearance. GC spokesperson Dewey Bronson, communicating breathlessly via walkie-talkie from within the complex, floated the idea that it might have been planted by a charismatic insurgent over the weekend. He also added, “It may even have been people from La Sierra,” emphasizing that no group had claimed responsibility for the act.
Security teams have been tasked with reviewing video footage to unravel the mystery of how the drum set found its way onto the auditorium stage. “It’s too early to make definitive statements, but rest assured, all perpetrators of this heinous crime will face justice,” Bronson declared.
A specialized team of musicians has been deployed to disarm the drum set and conduct a thorough extraction of its diverse components through a designated fire exit. “Until we receive the all-clear, no one is leaving,” emphasized Bronson. “We’re not taking any chances. The potential hysteria surrounding drums is unpredictable.”